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The KEY Questions: What actually are my needs?

31 January 18

We’re a funny lot, us human beings. We’re walking contradictions, every one of us. Gratitude for the things we’ve achieved is too often outweighed by regret for those we haven’t. Do you know what I mean? It sometimes seems that whatever we’re doing, and however successfully we’re doing it, there’s always some other part of our nature that’s being neglected or forgotten about. And those dreams and ambitions we had that got buried or pushed aside by the inevitable daily round of duties and responsibilities have a nasty way of surfacing when we least expect it. Have you ever delved into your loft or basement on an errand to find some trivial item only to have your partner calling to you after half an hour, wondering what the hell you’re doing up there?

“Nothing darling. Just wallowing in nostalgia and regret”.

You caught sight of that guitar, the one you were so determined to learn how to play. The watercolour set that you never even opened. The beginnings of a novel in that dusty old notebook that you promised yourself you’d finish. And on and on. There’s a story we tell ourselves at moments like this. It’s the one that goes: ‘Ah well, we can’t do everything. We can’t fulfil every need, pursue every dream. There are only so many hours in the day. Not to mention these bills that need paying. Maybe next year…’

All very plausible, but let’s look at it more deeply. What actually are our needs at the end of the day? One of the first life coaches to inspire me when I started on my personal development journey was Tony Robbins. He pretty much nailed it with his ‘Hierarchy of Human Needs’. He said there are four basic ones: Certainty, Variety, Love and Significance. And a clue to our feelings of regret when we think of our unrealised ambitions is in those first two, certainty and variety. They are seemingly at odds with each other. We need certainty, which means money, which means getting a job. But we also need variety, which means having plenty of free time to develop our talents and skills.

So then are we doomed to a life of compromise and regret?

The only answer I can give is my deep conviction that Mind has our backs, that the only thing stopping us from doing anything at all is that old familiar story. It’s been told by a purely illusory self, created from nothing but thought. He or she has ‘let opportunities slip by’, ‘squandered time’, ‘missed the boat’ etc etc. We are spiritual beings in human form with unlimited potential but as yet we haven’t cracked mortality, and sometimes our limited lifespan can weigh heavily, such as when we’re in a low mood.

Strange but true is the fact that time expands and contracts according to our state of mind. When we are fully engaged in any activity that we love there’s a very real sense of time standing still. As Carl Jung said ‘where our attention goes our energy flows’, and when we’re in this highly desirable state the mastery of seemingly impossible skills can seem effortless and fun. It’s really as simple as that.

Remember that physically and emotionally we are not the same people who first had the thought: ‘I’d really like to …” learn that instrument, learn to draw, learn Spanish, whatever it is. So all you need is a good feeling in the moment, free of made-up negative thoughts about who you are, where you’ve come from, what you’ve achieved or haven’t achieved, in order to launch yourself into whatever activity you choose, and so enrich your life.

Tony Robbins didn’t stop at those four basic needs by the way. He highlighted two others that he termed ‘spiritual needs’. It could be argued that these are in the end more important than the others. They are Growth and Contribution. Here we have the same apparent contradiction. How can we grow as an individual while at the same time satisfying our need to give to others?

But maybe there’s no real contradiction after all. Feeding our souls by making music or art, taking up fishing or golf can expand our consciousness, meaning we have more to give. And by the same token it seems the more love and support we give to others – not just family and friends but in the world at large – the more clarity we achieve, and so more focused on our own needs we become.

Those ambitions you feel you abandoned are right where you left them. Blow the dust off and start again.

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  • Having attended David's course and then had some one to one sessions with him my approach to my life has changed dramatically and improved. David has a very gentle and empathic way about him, yet managed to challenge my habitual way of being and thinking. As a result of our time together I now practice his "way of being" and I truly find that I am getting far better results in all of the relationships that I encounter. My inner chatter is under control, most of the time, and I am learning to pause and push away harmful thinking . It's surprising how habitual thinking can do so much damage and how, once you really focus on what comes into your mind you start to realise that you can be bigger than your random thoughts. So David thank you for putting me on a better pathway. Looking forward to sharing another journey with the Auspicium family!
    Rowena Wild

  • The course I attended with David Key was marvellous, every moment being filled with joy and laughter. David has a unique talent to teach, unlocking the full potential of every person he encounters. His course opened up an infinite number of ways for me to get the life I want, right now, today, and in the future. It made me realise that thought is fluid and that I can mould it the way I want to suit my day. I would highly recommend this course to anyone in search of a new professional career or for those who simply want a happier life. Thank You!
    Lucia Pohrebnyak

  • It took me about 5 years of 'dithering' before committing, and in that time I attended several introductory days from various training providers. David's accessible style and the unforced flow of the day is what persuaded me to choose his company. David provides a training model that helps you become your best self - as a student, as a practitioner, as a person. By 'best', I mean more open, less fearful, more confident, less judgemental - whether you attend the course to make a change personally or professionally, to build on existing success, or with no idea where it might go, simply because you are interested (that was me!) you will be impressed at what you are able to achieve with David's expert guidance showing you how to use your curiosity as a pathway to growth. In the first week following the course, I dealt with several potentially difficult situations both at work and home, coming from a changed perspective - resulting in no conflict, calmer colleagues, less stressed family. And this without actively using any techniques; the biggest change has been inside my own headspace. I can't wait to do the next course. Now that I know, unequivocally, the benefits to be had, I wish I had come down off the fence years ago! Added bonus, a bunch of fabulous new friends. And a final thought about cost; some of you reading this will be struggling to justify spending a chunk of hard earned money "just" for yourself. Well, I will be using these tools every day for the rest of my life - pennies a day investment! I am SO worth it. And so are you!
    Sue Bee

  • I first met David at an evening business club a couple of years ago. During his presentation something “clicked” with me and I felt compelled to further my understanding of NLP. I attended the Auspicium free trial day. My earlier feelings were confirmed. This guy knows what he’s talking about and has a passion for helping people. I duly signed up for the NLP and Hypnotherapy practitioner course. What a week. All in the class left in such high spirits with a very different outlook on life. Following on I have attended the NLP and Hypnotherapy Master Practitioner course. Again excellent. There was something about the Hypnotherapy element of the course that I loved so on to the Hypnotherapy Trainers Training (another absolutely brilliant week). All the courses that I have attended have been very well organised, have a great team of trainers and support volunteers. The documentation is well put together and the exercises are all structured to push yourself to show you have a grasp of the given subject. I now have a fantastic group of new friends who I have a deep link with. We still meet up when we can to catch up on what we are all doing. As of March this year I have been participating in the Auspicium Freedom Project. This is a yearlong “conversation” about the 3 Principles – Mind, Thought and Consciousness. It took me a while to “get” it but now just by “doing nothing” I find myself doing more with better results and no stress. There are no models or techniques to learn. We all have the Principles inside us. We just need to be woken up to how to use them. It’s a great journey that will take the rest of my life. David is a superb trainer and fully deserves all the praise he receives.
    Phillip Warris

  • Before going on David’s Practitioner course, I thought I knew what I wanted, where I was headed and how I was going to get it. All I wanted an additional skill to add to my portfolio. I thought my life was in reasonably good order, nothing that needed fixing. I can sum up my experience of working with David in two words: life-changing. Instead of just learning a new skill, David encouraged us to apply his teaching, our learning, to ourselves. In a very safe environment, I gradually dropped the barriers I had painstakingly built up over a long time. This change happened very quickly and I continued growing as a person, studying 2 more courses with David and joining him on the Freedom project. Why David? He is disarmingly honest, genuine and engaging. He has a very broad knowledge of human behaviour and passes his knowledge on with grace. As a result of working with David, I have changed, and my life has changed. In myself I am very happy and contented person. My marriage is better and stronger. My business plans have taken a different route - one that is exciting and feels very right for me.
    Valerie